Charity Suffereth Long

Many, many years ago, when I was a young wife and mother, I heard a wise woman say, "The real test on whether you are willing to serve is how you  react when people treat you like a slave." The context of her remark was a discussion on what it means to be a bond slave of Christ. What does Christ ask us to do and was He willing to do the things He asks of us? It seems to be a simple answer. Of course we serve willingly, even to the point of suffering, right? The apostle Peter explains well in his first letter in chapters 2 and 3. I don't want to reprint the whole thing here, you can read it for yourself, but the premise is basically that Christ suffered as an example for us. We are supposed to suffer! And that suffering often comes in the form of other people asking (forcing?) us to do things we would rather not. If we are following Christ's example, we submit willingly, with joy even.

As wives though, we seem to believe that in our relationship with our husbands we should not only NOT suffer, but that we are failing in our roles as helps meet for them if we don't judge their every behavior and insist that they do everything they can to prevent us from feeling like slaves. This is more true with men who are kind than with men who are tyrants, because if a man genuinely sees his wife as his slave, he really doesn't care how she feels about it.

What has prompted me to write about wives as slaves, you ask? It was this article titled "My Wife Divorced Me Because I Left The Dishes By The Sink." I don't think it was written by a Christian man, but it was posted on facebook by a Christian woman who, while she wasn't advocating divorcing a husband over this issue, did say that it was part of her job to train her husband and children not to make her feel disrespected or feel like a slave. It gave me a sick feeling in my stomach and I have spent the better part of two days trying to understand why I think she is so wrong. I want to articulate the error in a way that is both accurate when compared with Scripture and edifying in terms of helping wives to love their husbands and children. (Titus 2:4)

First, let me say that no one is responsible for your feelings. No one. No person can MAKE you feel this way or that. Also, feelings can be wrong. Feelings can tell you lies. Just because a person feels disrespected does not mean that her husband disrespects her. It is unfair, and I believe a bit outrageous, to impose attitudes or thoughts on a man that he, himself, does not have. A wife does not get to define her husband's love for her and she would be completely outraged if he attempted to do the same. For example, if a husband said, "IF you really loved me, you would always do what I like. You would never wear clothing except when others are around and you would initiate sex 3 times every day. If you don't do that, you don't love me."  Most wives would protest. Most wives would say that everything she does, she does out of love for him, including having children, cleaning the house, preparing meals, etc. How could he even THINK that she doesn't love him just because she doesn't do everything he wants all the time?

But in this article, the wife does precisely that. She claims that because she is extremely bothered by dishes on the counter, her husband makes her feel unloved and disrespected by leaving them there. Even though he is not motivated in any way by disrespect or dislike when he does not put the dishes into the dishwasher. From his description of her, she sounds obsessive about the dishes, which is not unusual, I see myself in that obsession. But her obsession does not become the standard of righteousness for everyone in the world. There is nothing immoral about putting a glass on the counter rather than inside the dishwasher. The fact that it makes her blood boil is HER problem, not his. For her to make it into his problem when he has a perfectly healthy attitude about dirty dishes is highly unloving on her part, and I would say that HER behavior borders on being immoral.

Divorce is not an option for me. Having that as a starting point is good, because instead of going towards that end when my feelings are telling me lies, I am forced to look at myself and say, "Do you want to live in misery, with these feelings, for the next few decades? Or do you want to stop telling yourself lies about your man's motivations so that you can move forward and enjoy your marriage and your life?"  

It is just so much more useful, not to mention it is the only thing that I have control over, to simply change my perspective. Instead of dwelling in my imagination on the ways he could behave differently in order to demonstrate his love and care for me, I can choose to think of how I can demonstrate my love and respect for him in ways that are meaningful to him. You may be familiar with Jesus' admonition "as you would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise." (Luke 6:31)

We call this the Golden Rule, because it is so very practical and there are few situations in which it does not apply. In Philippians 2, the mind of Christ is described as not looking upon your "own things" (meaning your own interests and desires) but to look upon, instead, the "things of others". This includes the "things" of your man. The Apostle Paul tells us that Jesus himself "made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant." Should we not, dear wives, "follow his steps"? (1 Peter 2:21)

Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again, when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him who judges righteously. (1 Peter 2:22-23)

Even if my husband sins against me, my place is not to judge and to make the rest of my life revolve around that. That would be hateful. Yes, dwelling on, tattling on, carrying on about the sins of others is hate. 

Hatred stirreth up strifes: Ouch. Dare I heat up my big pot of hatred, stirring and stirring until the strifes are bubbling up, perhaps overflowing? But... but... but... this Proverb tells us what to do instead:

But love covereth all sins.(Proverbs 10:12)  Yes. If my husband has sins, even sins that are against me, the command of God to love my husband means that I cover those sins. I bury them. I do not stew, and I do not return sin for sin. Nor do I play the martyr, but in LOVE, I forgive and move on. I find ways to reward him with good from a meek and quiet spirit. 

The Apostle Peter says the same in his first epistle, chapter 4, "And above all things have fervent charity among  yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins." (verse 8)

Those are only of few of the passages that come to mind on this subject. I could write an entire book. The Scripture is replete with instructions to die to self, to care for others, to love without expectation, to dwell at peace in ones own house, etc. Be instructed by the precepts of God's law to love your neighbor, including that very close neighbor, your husband. 

Winning at Potluck

When I lived in the South, there was some aversion to the word "potluck" because we Christians know there is no such thing as luck. Providence and all that... 

Regardless of what you call it, pitch-in-dinner, pot-providence, whatever, the people of the South know how to do it. During my over 16 years living in the American South, I never once attended a potluck dinner where there wasn't enough food. Not once. They are the experts. I don't know if they invented the potluck, but they know how to win it.

Southerners don't need instructions on how to potluck, but in the geographic area of America where I live now, the people definitely need some instructions. I have been to countless potlucks in which the food ran out before everyone had gone through the line. It's a travesty. Especially if I spent two hours in the early morning preparing a dish or two and I go home hungry. Why does this happen here with such regularity?

It's simple. Some people need help. They need some guidelines. It doesn't have to be complicated, but apparently it needs to be said. So I'm going to say it. Here are the potluck rules. Follow them and be filled.

Rule #1
Make Enough to Feed Your Own Family and AT LEAST Two Other People. 
This is aimed at the wives/moms who are the ones doing the cooking in most conservative Christian families. Make a main dish. It can be a meat dish like a meatloaf or it can be a casserole. Tuna and noodles is just fine. If you have 7 in your family, your potluck main dish should serve AT LEAST 9 people. You might  need to bump up your regular recipe, maybe double it, just in case. Be generous. This is probably the only meal that people are going to eat today!

Rule #2
Make a Dessert.
That's right. Bring a main dish AND a dessert. You and your children are going to eat a main dish AND a dessert, right? So bring both.

Just a word here about salads and side dishes:  Don't worry about it. No one is going to go home disappointed if there wasn't enough coleslaw or green beans. If your main dish tastes better with a particular side dish, for example you don't like meatloaf unless you have mashed potatoes, then go ahead and bring a side. But don't bring a side dish INSTEAD of a main dish. The only exception is if you are a widow or a single person and it would be outside of your ability or budget to bring a main dish. Single young people can get away with bringing something from the deli, like a potato salad or a bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos. Everyone likes those and we don't expect single people to know how to cook for a crowd.

Rule #3
Teach Your Children How to Go Through a Potluck Line
Parents need to teach this and someone from the church should remind parents about it right before they ask God to bless the food and the potlucking commences. Children under 10 (and maybe even 12) should not be allowed to go through the food line alone. One or both parents should accompany them. Young children need someone else to hold their plate. The church should provide trays for moms trying to fill 3 or 4 plates at once.

I have been to churches that invite moms with young children to go through the line first. This is ideal because the older children can help the moms with younger children, since the older children are not worried about getting into the line.

Children should only take food that they are very likely to actually eat. This isn't the time to force your children to try some of everything. If they don't like broccoli salad, leave that for the adults who DO like it and will be happy to get it. It is better if a child goes through the line and ends up with only one food that she will eat than if she has 10 items that end up in the trash. At potlucks, children may be more interested in playing than eating, so don't  make a scene. If you are worried that your own children will be hungry later, then either train them to suck it up or bring a snack in the diaper bag that they can eat later.

Do not let children go directly to the dessert table. Everyone should go through the regular line before visiting the dessert table. At my church, there are adults who go directly to the dessert table upon entering the potluck room and take a dessert to their table to make sure they get the dessert they want. This is completely unbelievable to me and the height of selfishness. If the worst thing that happens to you after a great day of worship and fellowship is that you don't get the dessert you want, you should sleep well. They are also setting a terrible example for the children who are being taught to delay their gratification.

Teach your children to take only one dessert. This may be two cookies or one piece of cake or pie. After it is clear that everyone has had a chance to get a dessert and there are still goodies remaining, children may return for a second dessert.

Rule #4

Take Responsibility For Set Up

 At a southern potluck dinner, each person who brings food will find a place on the serving table to set her dish (usually grouped by category: main dish, sides, dessert) and will provide or find some sort of serving utensil to place in the dish. For some reason that I cannot get anyone to explain, in this area, one or two people are expected to do all of the set up, including heating anything that needs heating, setting the food out at the appropriate time and making sure there is a serving utensil. If the meal is taking place following the worship service, the kitchen help are expected to be absent from worship so they can stay in the kitchen and "prepare" the potluck. I put "prepare" in quotes because the whole point of the potluck is that no one has to do anything except bring a dish to share and set it out. If it needs to be heated, or ingredients need to be combined, that task is performed by THE PERSON WHO BROUGHT THE DISH! 

I was shocked the first time I was in the kitchen placing my casserole in the oven before worship in order to keep it warm for dinner, and other women started coming into the kitchen with their food and started explaining to me what needed to be done with it. Sort of the same way parents just drop their babies in the church nursery for someone else to deal with. I had no idea why they were telling me what temperature oven was needed and what time it needed to go into the oven so it would be hot, but not burnt, at potluck hour. They were not happy when I told them that I had every intention of being at every second of the worship service and had no plans to stand around in the kitchen like some sort of caterer. 

Anyway, if you are new to the place, and you don't know where to find the serving spoons, bring your own from home or just ask where the drawer is located. If you are bringing a dish that needs to be served hot, bring it in a slow cooker or put it in the oven which will be set on a low temperature for that purpose. Don't bring raw food and expect to be able to turn the oven up to 400 degrees and have someone else cook it while you're worshipping. Obviously (ok, maybe it isn't obvious to everyone) all the women can't expect to use the oven to cook their food at the same time, and while the worship service is happening. 

Bring it hot and ready to eat, and put it where it belongs so we minimize the amount of time and the effort needed between when worship ends and when we start eating. 

And that's it! If you follow these simple rules and teach the rest of the families at your church to do likewise, you will never run out of food. You will have enough for visitors and sometimes  you will even take home a few leftovers. That's why you should always make food that you, yourself, like to eat. You may have to eat it.

Did I forget anything? What is your experience with potlucks, especially at church? What do you think about churches assigning which families bring what? What about those websites where you list what you're bringing? (I hate those)

Don't Do It Just Like the World, but Expect Different Results

I was prompted to blog today by this post over at Dalrock.

Dalrock was asked some questions by a commenter named Rachel about how to help her daughters find husbands. Her inquiries concerned her daughters' behavior with young men and whether a Christian girl should "settle" in choosing a marriage partner. This mother obviously has concerns about her daughters being at risk for spinsterhood and she wants to avoid that. 

While Rachel didn't mention her husband, Dalrock said that she does have a husband. If that is the case, why is she not following his lead on this matter of marrying off the daughters? Why did Dalrock, who blogs specifically for Christian men, not direct her to seek wisdom from her husband? To his credit, Dalrock admitted that he has no experience in this area. But one thing I have learned from knowing God is that God empowers those whom He has put in authority and gives wisdom to those who ask, without upbraiding.

Unfortunately, Dalrock went on to offer advice on the behavior of young women in general. By doing this, he is consenting to the presupposition that single women should be on the hunt for their own husbands and that they are somehow qualified by their design to do this. It is saying, if only we can explain these things to women, they will behave exactly correctly and use good judgment and make right decisions. And yet we know, and Dalrock knows from his years in the manosphere that women, by their very design, do NOT make good decisions based on reason and sense.

Women are simply unqualified to decide who they should marry. It isn't a matter of intelligence or training. It isn't even a matter of godly character.

What should Dalrock have done instead? He should have appealed to men who have already had success with their daughters. He should have appealed to men who have spent years studying the Bible to see what God has said about marriage, about sex, and about avoiding fornication. Interestingly, in the comments, such a man appeared!

Most of the comments consist of complaining about how awful women are and how hopeless it is to think a man can get a good wife or that daughters can be raised to adulthood without rebelling and fornicating and choosing the world over Christ. And when a commenter suggests that dads can have fulfilling marriages and joyful daughters who look to dad to find them a husband by following the guidance of the Word, the other men pile on with shouts of "You'll go to jail!" "It can't be done!" "It's too hard!" "No one will like you!"

Yes. Daddy is not a popular guy. So what? Do you want your daughter to be a fornicator or a spinster? Do you want her to be a shrieking feminist? If not, take heart. God is good and He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.

There are a LOT of comments, so hopefully this link will take you to where the good comments start.

Ten Year Blogaversary

I was checking through old blog posts the other day, reminding myself of the things I've thought about over the years and I was quite surprised to find that I started the blog 10 years ago. Wow. They weren't kidding about how time flies! Here is my very first post.

It looks like my major interest has been marriage. I've pondered the definition of marriage, the role of a wife, how to find spouses for sons and daughters, how to love a husband and the meanings of submission, obedience and authority. Marriage is a topic that flows directly from God and is a like window into the mind of God. God created marriage specifically. Without His ordination of it, marriage would not exist. And since the Father arranged a marriage for His Son, we have a view of how marriage comes about, who the parties are, and how those parties should relate to each other. Without God's revelation on this subject, we would be clueless and each of us would be free to form and act upon our own opinions. However, since God did speak, we are now obligated to seek God's thoughts after Him, and to make no statements about marriage that contradict what He has said or done concerning it. It has been a challenge studying each place that marriage is mentioned in the Scripture, comparing and contrasting, and attempting to find the truth about a subject that is foundational to daily life. I don't claim to have all the answers yet, but my understanding is wider and deeper than when I started my search, and I am grateful for that. I know God better by knowing marriage better.

I've written a bit about politics. These are mixed with my posts on economics and public policy. How we live our lives should be a direct reflection of what we believe about God and what we believe God requires of man. This includes how we govern (or if we govern), how we conduct business, the way we work, even the way we love. There is no topic that is outside the domain of the rule of Christ and His Law. I was mostly a political conservative when I started, then I moved into what I would classify as the libertarian camp. It was a short stay then in the minarchist's company before I embraced what I would call anarcho-capitalism. I am really a theonomist. I believe that we should all obey the Law of God, and that we should all enforce it within our own families and spheres, without an institutional government.

Childbirth, particularly unhindered, unassisted, natural childbirth is a passion of mine. As women, we ought to be welcoming to having God open our wombs and we ought to be deliberate in our choices about where and how to birth our children. Our bodies are specifically designed by God to give birth. We should seek to understand that design to the extent necessary for extending the years we are fertile and birthing healthy children to the glory of God. We ignore or resist the design at our own peril, discomfort, and danger.

Along with childbirth/childbearing, I have covered the topic of breastfeeding, a uniquely womanly art. Like childbirth, seeking to pursue God's intent in feeding our children from the nourishing abundance of our breasts is, as I see it, a duty and a privilege. The babies deserve the best, and the benefits to both mother and infant touch on our hormones, our overall health, our relationships, our longevity, our economic status and our responsibilities to God and man. Isn't that overwhelming and amazing? All of that from boobs and milk.

I have covered feminism, vaccines, child training, home education, taxation, law, theology, worship, circumcision, and the war on drugs. All of these things are interesting to me. Most of them have a direct impact on myself and on my family. While I don't disparage those who have no care about such things, I seem to feel compelled to seek the truth and to incorporated it into every single subject. It wouldn't be an over-statement to say that I can't even go to the bathroom without wondering what the Bible has to say about it. It might be an obsession, but I hope it is a profitable one. 

Writing this blog is a great way for me to interact with my own thoughts, and to communicate them, or at least corral them, in case I need to share them with others. Much of what you see here, though they may appear as unmovable opinions, are a work in progress. I don't expect to “arrive” during my short life here on Earth. But do like knowing I'm further from the start line, that I took what was given me and exercised it, massaged it, used it and passed it on.

Perhaps some day my children will compile all of my ramblings and say, “See, she really was crazy.” Although they may also say, “At least she was right about that one thing.” Won't that be precious? I think so.

Dreams of Our Daughters

At some point before our daughter was married, my husband was speaking with the father of a man who could have been a potential suitor. My husband was explaining to the father that our daughter had been prepared for marriage and that she was looking forward to becoming a wife and a mother. Then, as if the father had not heard a thing that was said he responded with, "That's all fine, but what are her dreams?"

Huh? What are her dreams? Did you just hear what my husband said? She wants to be a wife. She is looking forward to fulfilling the role for which she was created. Only women can be wives. Only women can be mothers. It is the most important thing she will ever do. She will impact the lives of countless thousands by becoming a wife.

I am somewhat confused as to why men would find it an attractive trait in a potential wife that she wants to be something other than a wife.

Perhaps I have been jaded by the lies I've been told by both the world AND the church. Actually, I KNOW I'm jaded by it. I am not going to pass along those lies to my daughters. It is depressing to think that they may embrace such lies after they leave my home, but they certainly won't hear them from me. And I will actively work to prepare them to resist untruth.

So you can imagine how refreshed I was to read this post at Chalcedon by Jenni Zimmerman. I hope you will click on the link and see what she has to say about their oldest daughter.

Like EVERY author I have read in my life, I don't agree with absolutely everything Jenni says. I don't even agree with everything I've ever written. So I will just say up front, in case anyone is wondering, I do not agree with this statement that she makes, and don't believe the Bible teaches or supports this view of wives:

 She is chief counselor to her husband, knowing the word of God alongside him, giving godly counsel when needed.

Raising daughters is difficult. I appreciate what the Zimmermans are doing with their daughters and I stand with them, encouraging them to stay the course. Perhaps it won't be long until their oldest daughter is married and putting all of her good training to use. 

As A Jewel Of Gold in a Swine's Snout..

As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.  Proverbs 11:22

Noah Webster described discretion like this:

1. Prudence, or knowledge and prudence; that discernment which enables a person to judge critically of what is correct and proper, united with caution; nice discernment and judgment, directed by circumspection, and primarily regarding ones' own conduct.

2. Liberty or power of acting without other control than one's own judgment; as the management of affairs was left to the discretion of the prince; he is left to his own discretion.

The primary audience I have in mind when writing here is one of women, Christian women, like myself. Wives, mothers, grandmothers, daughters and sisters. And this topic, I think, applies more particularly to women. That is not to say that all men are discreet, only that many women are indiscreet. It seems to be accepted as inevitable, with little or nothing being taught within Christian circles about how women should learn to practice discretion.

The aged women likewise...that they may teach the young women...to be discreet. Titus 2:3-5

 This is especially noticeable to me when I read fiction written a long time ago. Even fiction written by women. I offer the works of Jane Austen as an example. More on that later.

One of the ways I have been a witness (and a participant) in indiscretion is in the seemingly insatiable way that women want to know everything that is happening in the lives of every person they know. If the woman is a mother, this desire is often accompanied by a sense of entitlement to know every detail. Family members, church attendees, friends, even distant acquaintances, no one is excluded or protected from the constant acquiring and collecting of data. And to what end?

Obviously, the first use that comes to mind is gossip. Once she has the information, what else would she do with it except share it? After all, nothing hides indiscretion better than making it universal and therefore, normal. But even if she has the incredible self-control necessary to keep the information to herself, the tidbits themselves are up to no good within her mind. She is judging, comparing, formulating advice, imagining conversations, misunderstanding relationships, destroying reputations and wishing ill of others, all within the confines of her own brain box.

While it is fairly common to hear admonitions against gossip from the pulpit or in books and articles directed at Christian women, it is rare, VERY rare to hear anyone speak against wanting to know things in the first place. I can only think of one instance, and think it was in a radio broadcast by Elisabeth Elliot. I am just now coming to understand the peace that comes from not knowing things.  

I have my husband to thank for bringing this understanding to me in a very practical way. The Bible speaks of discretion, and in a non-personal, intellectual way, I probably believed I knew the meaning of discretion. It wasn't until we arranged a marriage for our daughter that I learned from experiencing it how discretion feels, how it works, what it entails, and what a blessing it is. How did he do this? Simply by not telling me things. He would speak with the father of our now-son-in-law, and my husband did not offer to let me know the things of which they spoke. He wasn't purposely keeping it from me, it wasn't that I asked and he refused to tell me. He just didn't think most of what they discussed was important or relevant to me. And he was right. (As usual.) I am not a naggy sort of person, and I trust my husband, so if he didn't offer up information, I didn't ask.

It wasn't until the whole thing (the arranged marriage) was done that I realized how blessed I was to have been out of the loop for most of the conversation. Now I can see that I would have been fretting over nothing, worried about mole hills, concerned for disaster, when actually everything was smooth sailing. I was spared much heart ache and nonsense that I might have created for myself. After we told the story to others, I was surprised to find that much of the shock people had was not so much that we arranged a marriage, but that I, the mother, was not intimately involved in the details. Other mothers could not even imagine letting their husbands handle such a thing, and even if they let them, they would want to be consulted at every step and be told every word spoken on the subject.  Why? Because they, like the old me, have no understanding of discretion. They are, unfortunately, like bejeweled swine. 

Our family has been hurt by indiscretion. You have probably been hurt by it. People say things they shouldn't say because others want to hear things they shouldn't hear. After the hearing, the information gets distorted like a typical game of Telephone. Woe is everyone if the information gets re-shared.

My challenge to you, Christian woman, is this: Try not to know. Try not to desire to know. Reject hearing about things, even when the information is offered without your asking. Don't ask people about their relationships. Don't ask for or listen to people talking about OTHER PEOPLE'S relationships! Are the ladies next to you discussing the courtship of so-and-so with what's-her-name? Move to a different seat so you can't hear. If someone begins a statement with, "Don't tell anyone about this because the whole family doesn't know yet...."  RUN! Did you hear me? RUN! This is not for you to know.

Sometimes, for whatever reason, we come into the knowledge of something that either does not concern us, or only concerns us in a very peripheral way. When that happens, resist the urge to dwell on it. Or to make judgments. Your first impressions may be wrong, or the entire situation may change so much over time that your revelations to others on the matter will result in hurt that never needed to occur. Here I am going to return to my previous mention of Jane Austen. I am sorry if you are not familiar with her books or with the movies based upon them. Maybe this blog post will inspire you to take a look.

 In "Pride and Prejudice" the main character is the second oldest of 5 sisters. Her name is Elizabeth Bennett. During the course of the story, Elizabeth becomes privy to information about two other characters who eventually become the husbands of two of her sisters. As I watched this being portrayed in a movie, I felt very strongly that Elizabeth should go share this information. I felt is so strongly, that I nearly wanted to jump out of my chair and shout it at the older sister, Jane. In my mind, Jane would have been comforted to know that her suitor loved her, but was dissuaded from marrying her because of the undue influence of his rich friend. Why wouldn't Elizabeth immediately tell Jane about this?

Elizabeth, does share her information about the other young man with her sister, Jane, but only because Jane is known for her kind heart and her discretion, and Elizabeth needs the advice of her sister with how to deal with this potentially explosive information which could ruin the reputation of the young man, as well as that of a young lady who was formerly involved in a scandal with him. Jane advises her to let the information die with them.

The women in "Pride and Prejudice" tend to fall into two, very distinct categories. Those who are discrete, and those who are not. Only Elizabeth seems to fall into neither category. This is fiction, so it is easy to force women into boxes, but in real life, none of us are fully one or the other. The indiscreet women are portrayed as having bad character (Lydia, Kitty, Mrs. Bennett, Lady Lucas), while discreet women are generally portrayed as being good. These distinctions do not exist, or barely exist today. Most of us would be hard pressed to identify an act of indiscretion, and we are all so thoroughly immersed in our own indiscreet and loquacious ways, that we wouldn't dare point a finger at another woman. One woman even tries to make lack of discretion into a virtue.

So Elizabeth shares her secret knowledge of  Mr. Wickham, but doesn't reveal what she knows of Jane's would-be-suitor, Mr. Bingley. In the end, things work out. Jane is married by Mr. Bingley, never having been hurt by the information known by Elizabeth. Mr. Wickham's bad character is revealed on its own, without any assistance from Elizabeth, protecting the reputation of the more-or-less innocent third party. Mr. Wickham marries Elizabeth's youngest sister, Lydia.

What is striking to me is that during the 19th century, it was obvious to everyone that women have a problem with discretion and that discretion was considered a virtue. Today, if we don't immediately tweet something we heard or saw, or we wait one day before making a facebook post about something, we are considered to be highly restrained. What also struck me as interesting about the 19th century, was that it was not considered necessarily inappropriate for a man to rebuke a woman for public bad behavior. If a man tried that today, he would probably get sued and the woman would remain offended until the day she died.

I recently (within the past 3 years) had a man rebuke me for interrupting him in a conversation. The rebuke was strong. I fully deserved it, but it was quite the blow because I am so used to being allowed to run all over people. I had unconsciously come to believe that civilized men don't attempt to restrict the behavior of women. We just do as we please and expect our husbands to cover for us. Or intercede for us. My husband was right there when this happened, and said nothing. He knew I deserved it, too. I had to use all the power of my logical brain to force down my feelings that the man was trying to offend me. He intended no offense at all. It was just a statement of fact that he had let me finish my thought and he was entitled to the same courtesy. It was terribly embarrassing for me, not just because the poor man had to call me out, but also because I was not saying anything at all worth saying. I was adding NOTHING to the conversation. I just wanted to talk. I just insisted on having my say on the matter and more. It was shamefully indiscreet. My husband is such a patient man to even take me out in public.

It is much too late to try to cut this short, so I will just leave this here. I  hope you were edified. Writing this has been a good and much needed reminder for me.

Marriage God's Way - All of the Posts

I'm just going to link to all of the posts I've written based on Scott LaPierre's book Marriage God's Way: A Biblical Recipe for Healthy, Joyful, Christ-Centered Relationships.

BFF... or Not

Marriage God's Way - a Book Review, part one

Marriage God's Way - a Book Review, part two

Marriage God's Way - a Book Review, part three

I don't plan to write any more about this book, but I'm not going to promise that I won't.