Daughters of Disappointment

There are some vocal elements of the now adult home educated daughters that are a huge disappointment.  Knowing full well that their children won't be perfect, home educating parents nevertheless are hopeful that their children will face challenges and address problems in a manner that rises above the more common shrill rhetoric of mainstream feminism and for Christians, in a manner that follows the teachings of the Holy Bible. Alas, in that respect, many have failed.

In places like quiveringdaughters and recoveringgrace we see young women complaining that their parents and others involved in the home school movement misused the Scriptures which resulted in these women suffering unhappiness or worse. Some are claiming "abuse" with varying definitions, when they bother using definitions. The irony is, that at the same time they are decrying the misuse of the Scriptures, these women are ignoring them altogether in response to the alleged wrongs. They also blame their own moral failings, their own sin, on others. While calling for others to repent, they ignore or excuse their own sin.

Especially amusing, or perhaps sad, are the ones boldly proclaiming that everything taught by Bill Gothard is nonsense at the same time that they demonstrate their violations of the "principles" resulting in their own misery and, dare I say it, "youth conflict". Can you say "root of bitterness?" How about "balancing guilt with blame?" Do any "take up the offense of another?" Is a lack of gratitude contributing to mental instability?

If they wish to take the moral and Scriptural high ground, it would behoove them to bring their accusations from Scripture. It would be appropriate for them to follow the procedures taught in Scripture for confronting offenders. Otherwise, all of their pointing fingers should be pointing right back at themselves.

In spite of their bitterness, lack of witnesses, inability to describe how they were sinned against, for the sake of argument let us agree that some egregious wrongs have been committed against them. What then? How does that make them so very different from every other young woman who has ever been raised on this planet full of sinners? What makes them believe that every woman who is not making a global case of her dysfunctional childhood has had some sort of perfect or charmed upbringing? What really sets these women apart is their response -- their belief that they are somehow special, or different, or entitled. This is where their home schooling parents have failed them. Somehow this is a generation with an unreasonable number of entitled-minded children. A generation who had their every triumph, from peeing in the potty chair to graduating kindergarten recorded and perhaps even uploaded to the internet. They were taught that everything about them was special and different. And they believed that.

"God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life" was transformed in the minds of these youths to "You alone matter in the world, and everyone else should order their life in such a way that you are recognized and pampered to the fullest." If their parents held opinions or made decisions with which these women disagreed, the parents are now labeled as "abusers" and "legalists." The parents couldn't possibly have been trying to protect them, but were simply trying to make them miserable and prevent them from having fun. It is all so obvious to them now, and thank goodness there are other women out there who recognize and will acknowledge their mutual pain.

If any of these women truly desire to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, if they truly want to do what is right, I hope they will consult the Scriptures. I hope they will seek out God's plan for people with hurts. I hope they will follow his commands for confronting a brother who sins. I hope they will uphold the law of God above the law of their own feelings. Because there is so much more at stake than their hurt feelings. There are homes and families that could well be damaged or destroyed by their selfishness. Their attempts to get others on their side rather than to do what is right will cause division in families and churches.

Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

If it is foolish to pluck down one's own house, it is downright evil to pluck down the homes of others. This would include the ministry of others. Those who do no trust God, but believe they are the arbiters of what shall stand are dangerous. The desire to destroy rather than to reconcile is an evil desire. To gloat and cheer over the fall of a brother is evil. It is not righteous. To break up relationships between parents and their children for the sake of gaining victory is evil. Do not do it. I will not end well for you. God is not on your side.

Exodus 20:12 Honor thy father and they mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and thy mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.

It is one of the big 10. Honor your parents. Paul extends that with "obey" your parents. It could be understood from these verses that when a person doesn't honor his father and mother that it might NOT go well with him and he might not live long on the earth, couldn't it? To whom was this command given? To those with perfect parents only? No, to everyone with parents. That includes parents that aren't so great. This command used to be taken pretty seriously. Even when a man had pretty rotten parents, and that man was given some sort of forum like a book or a newspaper, it is rare to see a man dishonoring his parents in words. At least until pretty recently in history, when it has become vogue to do so, almost required.  You would think that some Christians believe they have some sort of DUTY to dishonor their parents instead of honoring them. Perhaps God won't know their parents were bad parents unless these women expose them? God says not to do that. God says to honor them. Let God judge. He sees. Ladies, for your own good, don't do it. Obey God rather than Oprah.

Matthew 18:15-17   Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

Dear lady, if you believe you have had a trespass committed against you while you lived at home with your parents, and your parents are believers, then it falls upon you to go to them and see if they will hear you. If you have not done this, then YOU are the one in sin. Note also, that this is for sin. Your parents are entitled to believe differently from you about how to raise a daughter.  Just because you didn't like the household rules does not make them sinful.  Search the Scriptures and see if they have violated the law of God concerning you.

Here is the advise that your friends are not going to give you. Move on. If you have left the home of your parents, if you are married, if you  are a mother, take this opportunity to become the great mother that you think your mother was not. Using the Scriptures as your guide, form your own family standards, direct the upbringing of your own children in the best way you can. Stop blaming your unhappiness or your lack of achievement or, God forbid, your sin on your parents and others. That is a cop out and it doesn't bring healing, no matter what you may hear from psychology or your friends.

Take responsibility for all of your own behaviors. Find your own happiness.  Be a grown up and stop acting like a toddler.