Winning at Potluck

When I lived in the South, there was some aversion to the word "potluck" because we Christians know there is no such thing as luck. Providence and all that... 

Regardless of what you call it, pitch-in-dinner, pot-providence, whatever, the people of the South know how to do it. During my over 16 years living in the American South, I never once attended a potluck dinner where there wasn't enough food. Not once. They are the experts. I don't know if they invented the potluck, but they know how to win it.

Southerners don't need instructions on how to potluck, but in the geographic area of America where I live now, the people definitely need some instructions. I have been to countless potlucks in which the food ran out before everyone had gone through the line. It's a travesty. Especially if I spent two hours in the early morning preparing a dish or two and I go home hungry. Why does this happen here with such regularity?

It's simple. Some people need help. They need some guidelines. It doesn't have to be complicated, but apparently it needs to be said. So I'm going to say it. Here are the potluck rules. Follow them and be filled.

Rule #1
Make Enough to Feed Your Own Family and AT LEAST Two Other People. 
This is aimed at the wives/moms who are the ones doing the cooking in most conservative Christian families. Make a main dish. It can be a meat dish like a meatloaf or it can be a casserole. Tuna and noodles is just fine. If you have 7 in your family, your potluck main dish should serve AT LEAST 9 people. You might  need to bump up your regular recipe, maybe double it, just in case. Be generous. This is probably the only meal that people are going to eat today!

Rule #2
Make a Dessert.
That's right. Bring a main dish AND a dessert. You and your children are going to eat a main dish AND a dessert, right? So bring both.

Just a word here about salads and side dishes:  Don't worry about it. No one is going to go home disappointed if there wasn't enough coleslaw or green beans. If your main dish tastes better with a particular side dish, for example you don't like meatloaf unless you have mashed potatoes, then go ahead and bring a side. But don't bring a side dish INSTEAD of a main dish. The only exception is if you are a widow or a single person and it would be outside of your ability or budget to bring a main dish. Single young people can get away with bringing something from the deli, like a potato salad or a bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos. Everyone likes those and we don't expect single people to know how to cook for a crowd.

Rule #3
Teach Your Children How to Go Through a Potluck Line
Parents need to teach this and someone from the church should remind parents about it right before they ask God to bless the food and the potlucking commences. Children under 10 (and maybe even 12) should not be allowed to go through the food line alone. One or both parents should accompany them. Young children need someone else to hold their plate. The church should provide trays for moms trying to fill 3 or 4 plates at once.

I have been to churches that invite moms with young children to go through the line first. This is ideal because the older children can help the moms with younger children, since the older children are not worried about getting into the line.

Children should only take food that they are very likely to actually eat. This isn't the time to force your children to try some of everything. If they don't like broccoli salad, leave that for the adults who DO like it and will be happy to get it. It is better if a child goes through the line and ends up with only one food that she will eat than if she has 10 items that end up in the trash. At potlucks, children may be more interested in playing than eating, so don't  make a scene. If you are worried that your own children will be hungry later, then either train them to suck it up or bring a snack in the diaper bag that they can eat later.

Do not let children go directly to the dessert table. Everyone should go through the regular line before visiting the dessert table. At my church, there are adults who go directly to the dessert table upon entering the potluck room and take a dessert to their table to make sure they get the dessert they want. This is completely unbelievable to me and the height of selfishness. If the worst thing that happens to you after a great day of worship and fellowship is that you don't get the dessert you want, you should sleep well. They are also setting a terrible example for the children who are being taught to delay their gratification.

Teach your children to take only one dessert. This may be two cookies or one piece of cake or pie. After it is clear that everyone has had a chance to get a dessert and there are still goodies remaining, children may return for a second dessert.

And that's it! If you follow these simple rules and teach the rest of the families at your church to do likewise, you will never run out of food. You will have enough for visitors and sometimes  you will even take home a few leftovers. That's why you should always make food that you, yourself, like to eat. You may have to eat it.

Did I forget anything? What is your experience with potlucks, especially at church? What do you think about churches assigning which families bring what? What about those websites where you list what you're bringing? (I hate those)